A new normal? Is there such a thing?

This is from a devotional that I read on 

July 13, 2016, just about 6 weeks after Clay passed away. It spoke to me then but makes sense to me now. 

I don't think this only pertains to the passing of a loved one, anyone dealing with any kind of upset in their lives can use this to help them see a little more clearly. ❤

Loss can leave you feeling unbalanced, hurt, hopeless, anxious, angry, faithless, frustrated, as well as envious of others.

God is an incredible source of comfort, help, and love for the wounded soul.

He knows all, He can heal all, and He has the ability to change any situation.

One of the greatest benefits (the only one of you ask me) of loss is the ability to grow closer to God. There isn't a relationship on earth that can compete with a sold-out relationship with God.

As you grow closer to God, He helps you to have the courage to do a true inventory of your life. You get an opportunity to see what has worked...and what hasn't. You gain the ability to see where you went wrong...and what you can do better from here on out. Loss also allows you to be wiser when dealing with future situations and other people. You gain the valuable opportunity to see life from a new perspective--if you look for it. 

It isn't easy...and looking for the good in loss, or gaining a new perspective, can be very challenging at times...but loss truly is an opportunity to clearly see the remaining good in your life. It also allows you to learn from past mistakes or other people's mistakes.

When you look at the remaining good people and good things in your life, and also the lessons you have learned from trauma, disappointments, and loss, that's a powerful opportunity to develop a deep gratitude for God and others.

Nothing is more effective at turning the negative emotions of loss into something of great value than allowing God to cultivate a heart of gratefulness in and through your struggles. It helps you to create a "new normal."

After thoroughly mourning your loss, look for the good in your life and thank God for all you have left--include Him, people, talents, gifts, abilities, memories, health, a home and everything in your home, a car, food, as well as the little things in life, etc.

There is a time to focus on your loss...it helps you to work through your heartache and learn powerful lessons...but if you focus only on the losses, traumas, disappointments, and frustrations of your life, all you'll see and experience is a life of loss.

Focus on the good and you'll eventually begin to see life as good and have the ability to live a good life...even in spite of circumstances.

Be grateful for--all the good in your life every single day.

Grieving, it's a process

It's been a while since I have posted. The holidays were quite a bit different this year than last. I felt them, the pain, the absence, the realization that Clay was really gone. The holidays are so different for our family. A few years back my sister's family moved to WA for my brother in laws job, then Clay passed and last Spring my Grandpa passed away. Needless to say, it's very quiet around my mom's house when we get together for holidays. Not that there isn't joy in just being able to be with my folks, Granny and Mick & Michayla-I think it comes back to the fact that change is hard.

All of the grieving books I have read have said that the second year is harder and boy were they right. I remember just a few weeks after Clay passed away Michayla feeling left out, feeling like she wasn't important and that broke my heart even more and I promised to never make her feel that way again.
As hard as Christmas was we tried our best to still give Michayla the Christmas that she deserves and I wanted to make sure she feels as much love as I express for Clay, I think we've done a good job at that. She is just as important to us as Clay. I would feel horrible if another tragedy were to hit our family and someone be left questioning our love for them.

Grief will either transform or destroy.

*I've been reading a devotional called Hope in the Mourning and it has compelled me to share some of it.

The loved one we grieve now was given to us as a gift, not a right. We can choose to thank God for the joy he or she brought. We can choose to vacate the premises of the past by asking, "What kind of person do I want to become as I progress through this grief?'

That is a question that I have literally asked myself from the day we had Clay's funeral. Am I going to let this unexpected tragedy turn me into a bitter, mean, hateful person or am I going to use it to try and help other's who may be suffering from loss. I've chosen to be helpful not hateful. I cannot change the fact that Clay is gone and with accepting that it has let me let go of the anger.
I don't have all the answers but I am going to tell my story in hopes that someone who is reading this will be able to seek out help, deal with things they've "stored" away and above all else accept Jesus as their personal savior. Does believing in God mean that your life will suddenly become perfect? No, but His promises gives us hope. When you seek out God and God alone, it is amazing what he can do for you.

Practice doesn't make perfect; it makes permanent, and we will continue to do what we have done in the past until we choose to learn another way. When we let go of something - or someone - we make room for something new. The pledge to never forget can become the pledge to never recover, but it's possible to give up the pain without giving up the precious memories.

Grief is not a bucket with a hole shot out of the bottom for all future joy to drain out. Your capacity for joy is far bigger than you may realize. Trust that God has sustained your life for a good purpose.