Dreams

I am not certain what truth dreams really hold or the validity of them but a family member has been having vivid dreams of Clay soon after his passing.

Clay is always 17 years old in the dreams and he is always wearing the same thing-no matter the weather-grease stained wranglers, boots and his notorious cut off plaid shirt. 

What's most bizarre about the shirt described that he's wearing, it is the shirt we buried him in and no one but Mick, Michayla & I knew which one that was. AND, it was long sleeved but no surprise that they were cut off.. ha!

The dreams consists of past events that we've had, hunting, winter fun at Mick's folks cabin, chasing an animal across a field; things that have happened in his lifetime. The odd thing is he is 17 and the others in the dream are the age they were when those things actually happened. 

At first, this really bothered this family member, to the point of sleepless nights and that person questioning why he/she was having those kinds of dreams, when other family members have passed and has never had this kind of thing happen. 

Selfishly, I was so very jealous. In almost 5 months I have not been able to have one dream of Clay, actually I haven't had many dreams at all. Sleep and I are not on the same page..

One dream that really got to me was this: When the kids were younger we would frequently go over to Grandma Betty Tully's to visit. 

**If you aren't aware, Tully Park in Meridian is named after Mick's Grandma & Grandpa Tully, they use to farm that land. When the city wanted to buy the land she said only if you put a park their. 😊**

Mick's cousin Tawnya & Jarrod would always volunteer to take the kids over to play at the park. 

In the dream, some of the family was at the park. 

Clay appears and asks where his mom is.
The family member replies, I think at softball with Michayla. 

Clay says, oh ok. 

The family member tells Clay he needs to talk to his mom. 

Clay replies, I can't. She's mad at me.

Those words were so hard to hear, but as I have evaluated things since hearing about this dream, I believe he is right. I am mad!!
I am mad that this whole situation has happened.
I am mad that I no longer have a son here on earth.
I am mad that someone suggested that beer was needed.
I am mad that Clay didn't just drive another half mile at 1:30am and come home.
I am mad that I'll never see Clay succeed at all the things he wanted in his life.
I am mad that I'll never see him get married and have a family.
I am mad that the days seem to be slipping by at a very face pace.
I am mad that Michayla no longer has a brother and Mick no longer a son.
I am just mad..

I may be mad but I do have some peace knowing Clay is in heaven and that he is absolutely perfect. He is enjoying all things God and I will see him again one day. I am not afraid of death and I cannot wait for the day I am taken home.

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous.

Psalm 27:14