Another tragedy

Since Clay passed away, we have always appreciated the love & support we have received from our family & friends, old and new.

One couple in particular that we have grown so close to is Dusty & Julie Schwisow.

Like most that day Dusty & Julie's daughter Hawley heard about Clay's passing from social media. Being Memorial weekend, I believe Dusty & Julie were camping. I can't remember the specifics, but Hawley was able to get a hold of them and they packed up and came home. I remember a few days after the accident Mick & Dusty sitting at the table sketching out ideas for a memorial at the crash site while Julie & I would talk about Clay or she would just sit with me when I didn't want to say anything at all. 

Dusty (with the help of his business partner) took it upon himself to make Mick's idea for the cross. It was the greatest gift we have ever received!! The thoughtfulness of him didn't surprise me, he & Julie have always been so very kind & generous and they have the most respectful, loving children I've ever met; Logan & his wife Blair, Chase & Hawley.
Logan & Chase helped place the cross out at the crash site and they were visibly touched by the passing of Clay & the realization that his situation could happen to any of them.

Clay went to school with them all at one point. The boys shared in the interest of wrestling and of course Clay thought Hawley was beautiful, but what boy didn't. Hawley graduated from Meridian in 2015, just a year before Clay. 

Over the next several months our friendship with them grew stronger. Julie & I would talk or text several times a week. Dusty took Mick fishing. We went to a BSU game together and to the Fair for a music concert and several cook outs at each other's houses. Mick & Dusty are so much alike; laid back, easy going, usually don't pay attention to what's going on around them. They talk of hunting or fishing or whatever it is that would make them chuckle. Julie and I would always, and still continue, to say how blessed we are to have those two for our husbands.

When I was suckered into getting a puppy 😉 and brought Julie along to "look" at Boone, she fell in love with his little brother, who they named Ringo. (I say they like Dusty had a choice, ha) I remember Julie and I bringing Michayla & Hawley along to oohh & awe over all the pups. I'm certain each of those girls wanted to take a pup home too. 2 years ago Julie bought Hawley and her daughter in law Blair mini Aussie pups that are sisters. Blair named her's Ash and Hawley named her's Rosie.

To me, Julie is just the easiest person to chat with even on the bad days. We didn't have elaborate conversations, sometimes just a text to ask how I'm doing, send some hearts or to tell each other something funny. Talking to her about Clay was easy for me and losing him was not something I had to talk to her about every time we spoke. She said that she didn't know the right words to say all the time, but sometimes having someone just say that to me was the right words to hear.

They included us in a lot of their family functions, which if there were ever a family you would like to be included in, this is the family. Birthdays, Christmas party and most recently we sat with them at a family dinner at Sizzler.

Around Christmas Julie told me that Dusty had been pretty sick and that Hawley had been sick for a few days as well. On Jan 2 she text me that she had taken Hawley to Urgent care at St Al'so in Nampa. For 4 hrs or so they gave her IV fluids and breathing treatments. She had a high heart rate and temperature. She was sent home with medication.

Within 3 days Hawley had been taken to St Al's in Nampa and St Luke's in Meridian to the Urgent care and ER 4 times. At some point she was diagnosed with Influenza A. She was very sick and her symptoms were not getting better, only worse. Her heart rate was very high, her temp seemed to be rising more and more and she was having such a hard time breathing. Yet again, they were told she didn't meet the criteria to admit her.

**We, as parents rely on the knowledge and resources that Dr's have to help diagnose what is wrong with ourselves and our loved ones. Besides our own instincts, the things that Dr's say or instructions that they give to us are what we rely on to be able to prevent things from getting worse or to know when we need to seek more help.

**When an ER Dr told Julie & Hawley that she needed to take a "suck it up pill" and that "she just has the flu and won't die from it." You think to yourself ok:
1 he's a jackwagon and
2 he doesn't have any type of respectful bedside manner.
With those "professional" instructions, they once again took Hawley home.

Friday Jan 6th:
Because Julie and I text regularly I had text her a couple times. I knew about Hawley being sick, one text I asked how Hawley was feeling. Not hearing back from her by evening time raised some concern.

When I received a text saying it was Logan and to call as soon as I could, I instantly burst into tears and knew something bad had happened. Mick, Michayla & I rushed to the ICU at St Luke's.

I learned that after another night of no sleep, restlessness and not being able to breathe Julie was determined to take Hawley to the ER and insist they admit her. Dusty was heading to work, he had not gotten too far down the road and Julie called him back home to drive them to the ER.
Just a short distance from the hospital Hawley went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing. Dusty called 911, minutes later, upon arrival at the ER, paramedics and ER personnel were able to regain a heartbeat.

I stayed all night with them in the ICU. I was in complete shock that here I was now supporting them in their tragedy. It felt like the nightmare I had been living for 7 months just became more painful. Instantly, I prayed for God to heal Hawley and give strength to the Schwisow family and I prayed for myself. Their family & friends knew about Clay's passing and I could sense that some were worried about how I was going to handle this. Those first few days at the hospital I put my personal pain aside. I was their to support them in any way that I could. I sat many hours grasping for anything that would help make sense of the situation, and God reminded me of his promise:

On Monday, January 9th, Hawley passed away. She was a beautiful 19 year old and the true joy to her family. She was kindhearted, selfless, funny, giving, helpful and so loving. Her brother's protected her, she was her Daddy's girl and Julie's biggest encourager, supporter and best friend. Her sudden passing has left a hole in the families hearts as well as the rest of us who had the pleasure of knowing her.

I often wonder why a good, holy God has allowed something bad to happen to me(us)? But I have been gently reminded through a book I've been reading "When God doesn't fix it" written by Laura Story, that God doesn't owe us an explanation this side of heaven. There's nothing in Scripture that tells us we are entitled to an answer. It's not that God is being secretive and doesn't want us to know, it's that we are incapable of seeing the big picture. We think that if we just had an explanation as to why we are in these circumstances, we would be able to accept them. But its a lie that comfort, satisfaction and joy come from an answer to that question. That doesn't mean we pretend as if we like what is happening to us. It is just that we acknowledge God is God and we are not.

He has saved us and called us to a holy life-

not because of anything we have done

but because of his own purpose and grace.

This grace was given us in Christ Jesus

before the beginning of time,

but it has now been revealed through the appearing

of our Savior, Christ Jesus,

who has destroyed death

and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

2 Timothy 1:9-11

I still question why we were chosen to be in this situation- 1st with Clay and now with Hawley. I do believe that in the midst of our pain & brokenness God is using this situation to reveal not only to myself but to others the importance of eternal life.

I hope that those of you who are reading this and dealing with your own personal trials are encouraged as to what God can do with your brokenness. I will continue to share with you my struggles, my triumphs, my findings, my heartaches and my faith because my story is my greatest offering.